


I find shelter

by Elizabeth G (WhiteCloud)



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types
Genre: Domesticity, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship/Love, Love Confessions, Lucy can't stop calling him Mr. Tumnus, Lucy is twenty-something, Mentions of past abuse, Serving, Tumnus as a brownie, Tumnus is a smart well-educated goatling, Tumnus travels to the human world with Lucy, and he assumes himself old for her, but he’s not interested!, he wants everything the best for Lucy, however..., satyrs don’t give him a pass, she says she would've liked to become his wife, that’s why he’s ashamed of being half animal, then she adds it's not serious, tries to live there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:16:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29526972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteCloud/pseuds/Elizabeth%20G
Summary: Tumnus realizes that he fell for Lucy when she was a little girl. He is hesitant to relieve it to her. Lucy reaches twenty, and confesses finally spill out. Lucy is happy to cherish her best faun with all the warmth and gentleness. It’s better than a fairy-tail. When Tumnus is assured and comforted, Lucy offers him to travel to the human world, so he would know her better. Sure, he is eager to know her better! The real world meets him with fright, loneliness, and depression though. But can it matter while dear Lucy is holding his hand?
Relationships: Lucy Pevensie/Tumnus
Kudos: 3





	1. The fireplace in the cave

**Author's Note:**

> I think I have to warn that there’re present the elements of… animal shaming…? When Tumnus travels to the human world he gradually realizes how superior are humans to animals. He notices the disdain in books and on TV, and fears that Lucy may assume him indecent, too. Sorrowfully for Lucy, Tumnus becomes ashamed of the lower part of his body, makes himself forget about being a marvelous creature (because there’re no other fauns in the human world), and underlines before Lucy that he is a goat, not a man she would’ve wanted. 
> 
> I was hugely inspired to write the story after watching Birdy’s video “Shelter”. The atmosphere, nature, and melancholically romantic mood enchanted me, and I definitely could imagine Lucy and Tumnus in those locations. To memorize that beautiful feeling, I decided to make from the first (so moving!) line of the song the title of the story.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy visits Tumnus in his cave as he has long ago abandoned his duties in the castle. They have their cozy time together. Lucy finds out that his decision to leave was caused by deep feelings for her, hurt and love. They brave to confess all the relished love to each other, and then Lucy offers Tumnus to see her human world. He is more than happy to take her hand for the new adventure.

She was astonished to find him in the field behind the cave, knowing how much he liked to enjoy winter days in front of his lovely fireplace. Tumnus, however, was spending this cloudy morning near the ice-hole, scrutinizing the gray water with his gaze, clutching the fishing rod in one hand and the familiar umbrella in the other. She has never seen him with a fishing rod before, so her mouth flung open in the childish delight. 

“Tumnus!” she called him vigorously. “Hello, Mr. Tumnus!”

His head shook aside, the ears winced, frightened by the sudden loudness.

“Oh, Queen Lucy!” he then stepped back from the ice-hole. Her intrusion made him startled and clumsy, so his hooves slipped on the ice, and she dashed forward in the vain hope to catch him. 

Her support wasn’t needed. After a moment of confusion, Tumnus straightened himself, then peeked at her apologetically, with his cheeks flushed above that adorable red scarf. She always wondered how he wasn’t cold, naked from the waist up. But caution prompted her to hesitate with the touches: being brave and decisive as he was, he could nevertheless react like a prey animal. “Like a gentle faun,” she inwardly corrected herself. 

“I’m sorry, Your Majesty,” he put the rod aside, solemnly bowing to her. 

“Oh, I disturbed your quiet morning here. I had to arrive later, my friend, but I couldn’t wait. My apologies for hurrying you. I understand that you may have a lot of tasks during your day.”

“I don’t… I don’t fish, usually. You know that I eat sardines in winter, dear Lucy. But I can’t, well… jump into the ice-hole, so I used to ask my friends beavers about the favor. They couldn’t do it for me today, though, and I was scared that my reserves wouldn’t be enough for treating my Queen. So I decided to try fishing on my own. I should say it’s… rather interesting.”

Lucy let out a helpless snigger. 

“I appreciate your hospitality, but you’re shivering!” she once more glanced at the fur on his legs, fluttering under the wind, looking more saturated in the winter dimness. He certainly needed a coat sometimes. “And what a terrible Queen I would’ve been if I didn’t take treats for my favorite servant?”

His ears rose from the praise, and he accepted her hand obediently. The grip was tight and familiarly shaky — it was one of the habitual touches Lucy had learned to enjoy. She picked the bucket with a few sardines inside. He folded the rod, and, holding each other by the elbow, they proceeded to the cave. 

—

He stilled near the fireplace for a moment, to catch the sparkle of warmness before dashing to the table and preparing “the royal sandwiches” for the Queen. Lucy marveled at the sight of his exquisitely furred back, and then she was struck with the memory of him tensing like that when a satyr’s roar came somewhere from the bushes. Those ears immediately stirred then, disturbed by the danger.

“I’m here,” Lucy said and slowly approached him.

Making surprises was a seduction for her. But after some pondering, she chose to be careful and warned him before wrapping his shoulders in a wool blanket. She had noticed the goosebumps there and therefore rubbed the fabric against the frostbitten skin, just a little.

“You probably can get startled if someone touches you from the back,” she murmured near his ear and saw how he smiled, flushed from the closeness of fire and the contact with her. 

“Why? Nobody haunts me. Oh, because of the satyrs?”

Lucy answered nothing, grinning at him. Not that she wasn’t interested — she didn’t want to talk about anything that could possibly upset him. She has been spending most of her time in the castle lately, and he had abandoned his duties there for some “private” reason, so they got a chance to meet quite rarely. 

“I’m too old for being frightened of them,” Tumnus muttered under his breath and took a hold of the blanket, to make a loose knot around his neck. 

Lucy followed when he moved towards the table. She would’ve liked to prepare the sandwiches and tea herself, while he could rest in the chair after the cold hour of fishing. But it was unthinkable because of the court etiquette that has turned them into the Queen and a servant. Lucy pouted her lips. Why couldn’t she become a guest of the country again?

“Are you old, Mr. Tumnus?” she asked casually, with the adding of that “mister”, merely because it sounded cute for her hearing, and also, it was the cozy nostalgic habit. 

“Surely old in comparison with my blooming Majesty.”

Lucy chuckled loudly. She managed to take a knife nevertheless, too swiftly for leaving him time to argue. The feeling of the handle reminded her of that sunny afternoon when she threatened a satyr with a dagger, because he had seemed more insistent towards Mr. Tumnus than it was needed for the friendship. 

Tumnus should’ve shared the memory, considering his incredulous stare at the top of her head. She smirked at him. He responded with an uncertain grin before shaking the playful mood off and quickly shying away. 

Lucy pulled the loaf closer. The bread was always especially fragrant, satiating, and tasty in Narnia, she thought, while slicing it for the sandwiches. 

“You are a fairy creature. You don’t look old. I mean, it would’ve been utterly fine if you looked old. But you’re not…” she begged herself not to burst into laughter. “You’re neither an old goat nor an old man.”

He sneaked a hurt glance at her, making her cheeks flush painfully. 

“But I’m a faun,” he almost moaned. “I’m assumed a nice creature here and I’m proud of my kind.”

“Oh sorry, sorry, Mr. Tumnus!” Lucy hastened. “But I only wanted to say— Oh, silly… You are a man-faun, right?”

“Yes. But a faun. Not a man.”

“Well, it’s so good. I don’t know as much about your kind as you do, but I was always so proud of you. You’re a kind faun. I was so excited to meet you here, in Narnia. You got my heart. You became my first friend here and you showed that this magic place could’ve been my home. I wanted to return so badly because of you, to pay you a visit once more!”

She noticed how his ears reddened. He lowered his eyes timidly. 

“And I’m so honored that you haven’t forgotten me when became the Queen…”

“Oh, Tumnus, but you—“

Why you have left me, she thought, biting her lip. 

The sandwiches were finished and arranged on the tray. While the tea was brewing, Lucy walked over the cave a little. She stopped before the fireplace, danced, swaying her arms, then carefully grabbed the picture on the mantel. 

“May I look, Tumnus?”

“Yes, of course.”

Lucy had seen it before. She approached the chair and rested her hand on his blanketed shoulder. 

“It’s your father. You are as noble as him. You remember how strong and brave you are. You chose not to kidnap me, knowing about the risk. You suffered so much after that. And fought for the free Narnia. Do you hold a grudge against Edmund?”

“Surely not. Even if you didn’t ask him to apologize to me.”

“A knight-faun.”

“Oh, you flatter me without any bashfulness, dear Lucy.”

“I’m honoring you because I’m the Queen. I have a right to, Tumnus.”

“Oh, Lucy… Please, let’s have our meal. You’re the Queen, we have already pointed it out. So you have a lot of things to do in the kingdom, and many creatures may be awaiting your return right now. I’m so grateful that you gave your time to me, but I understand that we can’t stay together more than it’s allowed.”

Lucy sighed out loud. His argument bored her, yet he was right. The realization stung her. She would’ve liked to sleep here, in the old calmness of the cave, surrounded by the crackling of dry logs in the fireplace and by the magic spirit of a faun, slumbering at her side. But even if it could’ve been possible, considering her status, he would’ve probably denied her. 

Her lips quirked. He didn’t comment — still marvelously timid — neither did she. They had to leave it alone, so Lucy approached the mantel once more and put the portrait on its place. She noticed that there wasn’t much dust on the shelves, as well as the sticky laces of webs. He was always a tidy faun. 

After the meal, she assured him that they had some time left, and asked to play the flute for her. The playing in his mind was interlaced with the feeling of guilt as he had done it once to lull her into sleep and then to bring her into the dark icy castle. He hadn’t succeeded though, and she never felt scared of him. 

The tune cradled her. Drowsing in the coziness of the supportive chair, she managed to notice how his wild gentle eyes had peeked into the fire before the melody died. 

“Oh, Tumnus!” she gasped. 

He put the sorrowful flute away and rubbed at his eyes. The sound of the rugged breath and sniffing left her no doubt. 

“Mr. Tumnus…” she whined very quietly but less bitterly than compassionately. “Here, please, accept it as a present,” she pulled out a handkerchief that was reminding her of him during the days of royal duty. It was red, adorned with the green lines of embroidery — Christmas-y. 

“Thank you,” he rustled, crouching as if somebody hit him in the stomach. 

The fabric soaked the wetness, fondled his face softly. 

“Do you want me to hold you?” 

“No…”

“Um, good. Can you tell me what happened? You know I won’t blame you for anything. And if only I could help…”

“No, no,” he moaned pitifully. “I’m sorry to make you sad. I didn’t want to disappoint you, was scared to.”

“But I’m so glad to share with you whatever it is! I beg you to tell me!”

“Well, if it won’t burden you. I hope it won’t…” 

He looked at the handkerchief, swimming before his eyes. How many times did he hope that he wouldn’t need one anymore. It reminded him of the dinner he had been lucky to have with Mr. and Mrs. Beaver: he had shown them the handkerchief Lucy had kindly given to him, and described her in all the nicest words, cried from the thought that he could have harmed her, and then asked his friends to tell her about his fate if the worse happened. 

“I was so happy to put the crown on your head, to see you as the Queen…”

He stumbled and sniffed loudly. Lucy braved to glide her hand along the line of fur on his back. He felt cold — clearly needed a jumper. 

“I managed to become the Queen thanks to your kindness, Tumnus. You beckoned me into this place and you saved me from Jadis.”

“Well… Thank you… And I was happy to serve in Cair Paravel. I love our country. I’m happy it’s got such good monarchs.”

“I’m so pleased to hear it, dear friend. But what exactly is troubling you? I have a feeling that you’re hiding it.”

“Yes… I can’t make myself confess. It’s embarrassing… I had been serving you for a year but then I abandoned my duties. I think it was because of you. Oh, I dared to say it. I’m so ashamed.”

“You’re an adorable faun,” Lucy whispered into his shoulder. 

“I abandoned my duties because I fell in love with your Majesty!” Tumnus shrieked out and cowered as if someone was going to torture him for the confession. 

“Oh…”

“But your Majesty started to grow into a beautiful creature. Into a woman. And I didn’t want to distract her... To take her attention from the dozens of noble people who were in love with her. And I decided, I wouldn’t bear to see my Lucy choosing one of them and marry.”

Lucy didn’t speak for a while, lost in the rush of bittersweetness. 

“Why couldn’t you be one of them? One of the contenders for my heart?”

He shook, not sure whether to laugh or to shed tears once more. 

“How would your siblings react to that? They would’ve mocked you. They would have the Kings and Queens like themselves — the humans. And I’m a faun. You would’ve doomed yourself to sharing your life with a half-animal. And I’m not a lion or…” he snickered apologetically. “Not even a satyr. I’m a bashful goat… Isn’t strange that you treat me like a prey animal sometimes.”

“You’re a faun,” Lucy corrected softly. “So incredible, so proud creature.”

“I had studies in human’s mythology, in Christian mythology if to be precise. I know that hooves, and horns, and tail make me look devilish in your eyes. “Sinful”, as it was written.”

“Oh, Tumnus, I’m not that kind of human. I believe I’m not dumb and cruel.”

“No.”

“So, I don’t see you like someone from a book or an animal. I do see you like my Mr. Tumnus. I was delighted by your appearance when we first met — you were cute, and I got a feeling that you could be my friend. I read kindness in your eyes. Yeah… Your big eyes were full of kindness. And they are now.”

Tumnus didn’t answer her. He carefully folded and put the handkerchief on the table, and then he was merely sitting, hoarsely breathing through the reddened nose. Lucy stood behind him, gazing at the pink edges of his nervous ears, holding one her hand on his elbow and the other on the shoulder. 

“I couldn’t force you to stay in Cair Paravel. But I hoped you wouldn’t leave,” she said pensively, not making any sharp movements, although the candlelight and the fire were trembling in worry anyway. “I knew you wouldn’t like the competition. But I hoped you’d be one of the contenders for my heart.”

“Your siblings would’ve laughed at that…”

“I don’t want such siblings then. If they don’t see your beauty and courtesy and don’t want me to be happy. Because among all of the contenders I would’ve chosen you, willingly. I would like you to marry me and become the King. Although, you’re the king of my heart, anyway. You’ll always be,” she said it with her eyes welled up. 

Tumnus did hear how she sniffed and swallowed, and pulled his arms around her, to slightly touch her side, to press between her shoulder blades. She brushed a tear away with her thumb, then put her hand on his forearm, gliding along the skin. She couldn’t keep herself from pinching that soft line of fur. Tumnus had never found the spirit to scold her for that.

“You played with my fur back then, when you were a little miracle. I have already loved you, daughter of Eve,” he muttered into the silence. “I love you as much when you’re a woman and the Queen. I would’ve died from happiness if I could ask for your hand. Although…”

“What, Tumnus?”

“I don’t really know how humans do it, how they reveal their feelings. I know only how token beasts do it and I’ve read something from the human’s chivalric romances.”

Lucy laughed. It felt nice to laugh in his timid embrace. They both glimpsed at the hole in his wall, where he had made a bookshelf. There wasn’t enough space already, so a few piles found their rest on the mantel —they were slumbering there under a thin cover of dust, not at all unfriendly. 

“Thank you for the books,” he said, habitually. 

“I was happy to bring you souvenirs. And I missed our reading evenings,” she slowly turned in his arms and whispered, smiling, “So much tea and laughter.”

“Yes...”

“I love how you confessed. My heart is yours, as well.”

“I’m so happy it’s mutual. It’s enough for me, just to know that… Dear Lucy, you made me the happiest faun in the world.”

“Oh, and it’s the greatest of my accomplishments. I like to be the queen of your heart. I would like to become your wife, but not in that way Susan would’ve wanted. In my special way. I value friendship a lot and I don’t really need something to change in our relationship. Except that I wish we can live together. I love the feeling of your presence and I love to know that you are happy. I want you to remain my best friend, Tumnus.”

“So I shouldn’t woo you and then fight with you on swords and spears in order to show that I’m worthy of you?”

“Just horn me sometimes,” Lucy chuckled, and then pulled her hand to ruffle that wild curly hair. “You are my favorite faun in the world,” she proclaimed sincerely. 

He squinted when she craned her neck to place a tentative peck on the corner of his mouth. He kissed her on the nose in answer, and she smiled from the feeling of being enveloped in his warmth and coziness, and into the smell that wasn’t exactly the human’s smell — it somehow reminded her of the farm in the village, of the hay and animals, of being at home and secure. 

"I always wanted to wrap my little Lucy into a blanket and sit with her near the fireplace. But now you're the Queen, and I should take it to account." 

"I would like to be your little Lucy," she whispered into his beard when the abrupt knock on the door startled them both. 

They flinched and parted. Tumnus glimpsed at her apologetically before heading to the door. Lucy managed to carefully grab his hand and follow. She silently asked if it would be alright and hastily added, "I don't want to leave you alone." To her relief, he answered with approval. 

White winter emptiness breathed into their faces from behind the opened door. Nobody seemed to linger around, except the heap of flowers had been left at the threshold, tied into a bouquet by someone's uncertain hand. 

"Daisies!" Lucy sighed excitedly when Tumnus picked the flowers from the ground. 

"I fear this present is not for the Queen." 

“I didn't even suppose it. I adored because the flowers are beautiful, especially if you get a chance to see them in winter." 

"They are dry," Tumnus pointed out on the way back into the room. "They were kept from summer, for me," he peeked at her with badly hidden bashfulness. "Won't you be angry, Lucy? A satyr saved and brought this bouquet for me. Because they, well... They court me as I'm a single faun." 

Lucy barely kept herself from bursting into laughter. 

"They do. Unfortunately. Because I am not interested. I never loved any of them. When I interact with a satyr, it's a courtesy, respect to tradition. Maybe, you have noticed that I often dance with a satyr on the balls. It’s because I think I ought to accept their offers.”

“Yes, it’s quite a view when you do it. And also, you create a stunning melody with your hooves,” Lucy recalled, fascinated, although she winced at the memory of how a satyr usually looked. She’d even had the nightmares a few times where her Mr. Tumnus was violated by a satyr and she couldn’t rescue him. 

On the other hand, Tumnus and a satyr looked like a marvelous match. He should’ve seen the beauty in those gross creatures, not yet obvious for Lucy. And their dance looked like a fight of hooves and horns, underlying how strong and determined both participants were. Tumnus never yielded to the partner, so at the end Lucy often saw him wet from sweat and panting, and quivering from the tension in the muscles. Was she feeling jealous? Most certainly, she was. 

“Do you like satyrs? Or maybe, one of them?”

Tumnus shook his head. 

“Luckily, I’m not a prejudiced person. I have a personality, although I’m not a human being… I have a deep respect for that kind but I never invite them to my cave. Creatures around find a faun and a satyr together as something uh… arousing. Well, my Queen isn’t a child anymore. But I never saw myself in a couple with a satyr. I would rather prefer some other faun. Or… It doesn’t really depend on the kind when you’re willing to find your best friend.”

Lucy ruffled the dry petals, waited to meet his eyes. 

“I can’t believe the books I’d brought you were so cruel,” she muttered, squirming. “You doubt whether you can be assumed as personality…”

Tumnus winced and swallowed heavily. 

“There was a lot about tamed animals,” he patiently explained, keeping his voice from shaking, to no avail. “Not a lot for an ordinary reader, but I couldn’t stop paying attention to the animal characters and how they interacted with humans. It looked so humiliating, so different from our mythology where animals can think.” 

“Oh, Tumnus, don’t compare!” Lucy grabbed his face, deafened by the sensation of guilt and repentance. It seemed he could turn into water and slip away from her, and become one with the cave, so she had to grasp him before it happened. His beard glided across her fingers and, suddenly, she almost giggled from the strange feeling. “I want to be your best friend! I wish you to love me because I do!”

She found herself kissing his chin. She had never felt a man’s beard under her lips before. Only her father’s beard a few times, but it was so different. She inhaled the cozy smell of the farm again. 

“I love you, Mr. Tumnus.”

She squeaked that into his collarbone, belatedly catching herself on the “mister” once more. But it was the way she felt as a child — the infinite love and gratitude towards him which was destined to grow into the strong intimate connection. The prickling inside her chest was nostalgic, and it was similar to the wonderful story she had read years ago and couldn’t remember. 

“Queen Lucy…” she heard him gasp. 

His hands touched her hair tentatively, and it helped her to return to her senses. She must have baffled him, and he barely hid the shiver of shock and hurt. And happiness, too… Lucy carefully withdrew. It was easier for him when they acted according to their roles — for now, she could understand and accept it. 

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, struggling not to sound so frightened. 

“I love you too, dear Lucy,” he suddenly whined. “I’ve never dared to dream that I could confess it one day. Although, I was going to forever remain a friend you could visit in a lonesome forest cave...”

“I’m sorry that I hurt you so much, Tumnus. It took me so long to let it out… And I didn’t manage to do it little by little and not to startle you…”

“Lucy, I have heard you and I believe you. You don’t have to repeat those words once more if they make you worry. If you want I may return to Cair Paravel and continue being your devoted servant. I would like it. I’m not that old and I even can fight. If it would be required.” 

“I don’t want you to be my servant. I want you to be my equal. You may ask me to become your wife, so all creatures in the country, as well as my family, would…” 

“Lucy!” he whined in embarrassment, and his ears swiftly became pink. 

She went silent, caught his wet gaze, after which they both crushed into awkward laughter. 

“It would’ve been embarrassing. I’m not a prince!”

“Doesn’t matter. I think my family wouldn’t have been surprised. But we don’t have to. We don’t have to, really,” Lucy coaxed him into a soft embrace. “I don’t have royal fantasies. I don’t have an actual interest in traditions. And by the way, I’ve never even dreamed to become a princess,” Lucy breathed into his tensed shoulder. “Not my cup of tea, like we humans say.”

“But if you love me — I know you do — what would you want I do for you?” 

“Hm, there is one thing. I would like you to stay with me. But, you remember, I don’t fully belong to this world. I have come from another, human world, and soon I’ve been planning to return there and renew my real life. The fairy-tail is always in my mind and heart,” she soothed when he winced. “I just thought I would’ve liked to participate in another part of my life as well.”

“It’s mesmerizing.”

“Definitely. But also, I would’ve liked to take the marvel with me. I would’ve liked to cross the threshold with a faun at my side. It would’ve made me so happy. It would’ve filled my existence with magic, forever. That’s what my dreams are about. If you don’t mind.”

“Queen Lucy… To risk such a trip with my Queen… Of course, I would like to! I want you to share your real life with me, no matter what dangers might await.”  
Lucy snickered.

“No, dear, the trip is short and you shouldn’t protect me there,” she hesitated and slowly withdrew. Tumnus watched her face warily. “No matter what may happen, I would be glad to stand against it with you.”

He nodded, decisively.

“Although, I should warn you that my world isn’t marvelous. Only sometimes. You may not like it.”

“I will like everything related to you, Lucy. Besides, you have asked me to be your miracle there. I heard your wish and I agree. No matter what, I will be there for you. As long as you will need me,” he stopped her protest with a soft chuckle. “I know that you will always need me. I know, dear Lucy. I’m happy to trust you everything.”

“Then…” Lucy joined their hands. “What about following me to the lantern? As soon as you will be ready.”

He gave her a grin, and they both shivered from elevation, eager for the new adventure.


	2. The light from the window

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumnus settles in Lucy’s flat. He is curious and happy to embrace every aspect of her life, although there are a lot of things to frighten him. Lucy should attend to her work and spend time with her colleagues; meanwhile, Tumnus is left alone in the confined space. Desperate to be useful and to show his love, he willingly decides to live as a brownie: to arrange cooking and cleaning in Lucy’s home, to serve her needs, and to be silent, hiding in the storeroom from anybody’s eyes or ears. But the life in secrecy and confinement gradually takes its toll, making him feel constant worry and shame for his existence.

Lucy squeezed his hand tightly when they stepped into the darkness of the wardrobe. The fabrics and furs hung on their way as if protecting the entrance to another world. Lucy had an opportunity to take them away, but she couldn't make herself disturb the sacred oldness of the furniture which so often gave her the happy tears of nostalgia. Her relatives didn't want to collect the wardrobe, so Lucy was allowed to take it with her anywhere she would like. She was excited to be so honored and treated the wardrobe like her biggest treasure. Well, almost. 

Tumnus gasped when they pushed at the wooden doors and clumsily landed on the floor of Lucy's flat. She saw how his ears winced, and then he carefully tapped his hoof on the parquet. Lucy couldn't help but snickered at that. She politely noticed though, 

"It's not a mansion, not a house, Tumnus. Unfortunately, because I'm sure you would've liked it more. We are now in more confined space, in a flat that I rent." 

"Yes, Lucy. You told me about that. So that what "the flat" means. I imagined it smaller than my cave." 

"It's probably a bit bigger, but we have neighbors — the people who live just behind those walls, under this floor and above the ceiling." 

"Oh, I understand. They can hear us." 

"Well, not really. I only wanted you to be aware if you hear some sounds. But you shouldn't worry about them. We are alone here, nobody should worry us." 

Tumnus lingered his gaze on her. She enjoyed seeing him pleased.

"I meant that the mansion would've fit you more. It's more authentic. Considering that you're a faun. And we are living in the city. Not actually in London but almost, on the outskirts." 

"Ow, I've read much about London," Tumnus walked to the window, stepping ever so carefully. 

He dared the glance out before bashfully stumbling away. 

"Are you alright?" Lucy was there to grab him. She was answered with a pitiful stutter, 

"What a knight of the Queen I would be if I can't overcome the surprise? I am only baffled, at seeing so many strange creatures..." 

"Oh, my friend, there should've been the cars. I'm sorry, I didn't warn you about them." 

"You couldn't predict everything," he straightened in her embrace and gently lifted her wrists away. 

"But we are not in danger here, Tumnus, I promise. We are locked and secured, so those creatures are not allowed to come in." 

"Alright. Alright. I'm not scared," he breathed in and out before viewing the surroundings more precisely. 

The room was made in fair shades: the beige walls decorated with a few oil paintings, the mint-green curtains hanging to the floor, Lucy's bed, and another wardrobe which she actually used. He contemplated for a minute, then placed his hoof on the pink fluffy carpet, to check how the fabric felt. If it only had the color of the fallen leaves, Lucy thought, before asking an excuse, 

"Pink isn't my color, frankly. The carpet was on sale." 

"But I can touch it?" Tumnus said it suddenly for himself, but soon he noticed the remains of mud on his hooves and ankles, which the walk through Narnia's forest had left on him. 

"Of course, you can! Do you remember? I explained to you what "on sale" means." 

"Oh, yes. Humans earn money, to pay for their living. You have a job and you have your salary. "On sale" means that the thing cost cheaper than it should've been normally." 

"Yes. Come here," she gingerly led him to the bookshelf. “I thought you might've felt confused, or scared, or sad here, in the new conditions, so I had prepared some books which could've comforted you. There are mostly fairytales and fantasy literature. Maybe, you would've liked to return to Narnia in your imagination or to travel to some other magic world. Well, such books entertained me much when I needed to rest from my world. I hope they will be able to cherish you, too." 

Tumnus nodded, going through the covers, gliding each gently. He was fond of books. That gave Lucy hope she wouldn't bore him to death. 

"Here. You might feel hungry. Welcome to the kitchen." 

She showed him the refrigerator and other appliances. He would learn everything soon. Tumnus moved his ears when she asked what he would've liked for dinner. The gesture made her feel less tensed. His usual meal was sandwiches, she reminded herself. The old habits might've soothed them both, so she took the bread, cheese, boiled the eggs, and then found the canned sardines in the pantry. 

She recalled the can of liver paste, left on the lover shelf. She had often used it for sandwiches, but explaining Tumnus the ingredients would've been cruel. He was a vegetarian, naturally. The fish became an option after Jadis had begun the eternal winter and plants and berries couldn't grow. Lucy would better buy a soybean paste, to offer for a sandwich. 

Her need of sincerity made her say it aloud,

“Do you know that humans eat tamed animals?”

“Yes. I found out from books. The writers often give descriptions of big dinners.”

“But many humans don’t mean bad, doing it. And some refuse from using animals in this way.”

“Yes, I understand. There are kind ones and clever ones. I’m not scared because of it, Queen Lucy. And I remember the menus of some royal dinners we had in Narnia.”

Lucy blushed, feeling ashamed of the memory. 

“Please, just tell me if something makes you uncomfortable,” she asked him and then almost turned the grave tone into giggling, because he was holding his head so low, watching closely how she was preparing those sandwiches. He reminded her of her animals which had come to smell the food while she’d been cooking. She loved them so much. Why doesn’t she really become a vegetarian…?

“Come, dear friend. I want to show you the bathroom.”

She explained how to use the toilet and then led him to the bathtub. The shower cubicle should’ve been more appropriate for him. 

“We probably need to lay a towel on the bottom, so your hooves won’t slip. Come, try to step inside. The hot bath is relaxing for humans, so I thought you should try it. I had taken the baths in Narnia, you remember? You’d even assisted a few times.”

His cheeks flushed deeply, and then he raised his leg decisively as if the sharp movements could help to weaken the intimate memories. 

“Well, lay down now, carefully.”

He hesitated to pull his scarf off — not the usual red but the blue one Lucy had once given him as a present. She diligently folded the scarf and placed it on the washing machine. Then there was a time to show Tumnus how the faucets, tube, and hose worked. 

“Make the water as warm as you would like. And look at this shelf. You can use any bottle. Just choose what smell you like best. Try it. I hope you’ll feel less worried then.”

She left the room to give him privacy and headed to the bedroom. They could sleep in one bed finally, so she could prepare the bedclothes. She was absentmindedly arranging the pillows when the thought struck her. 

“Tumnus!” she rushed back to the corridor. “Mr. Tumnus, I forgot to warn you! Don’t taste those things! They are toxic!”

Lucy recalled seeing him bathing in Narnia once. He had been washing in the summer lake, rubbing the flowers and mud between his hands and applying it, mostly on his lower, furred part. His usual care products had been fully organic, and Lucy had given him only a vague idea about the chemistry in the human world.

She knocked on the door patiently, but soon, startled by the silence, pushed it forward, relieved that Tumnus hadn’t managed to lock himself. He met her with a wounded glance, so she immediately stumbled, terrified. 

“Tumnus, I’m so sorry. Those liquids are dangerous for your eyes and you totally can’t drink them. They are useful only for washing.”

Lucy dared a few steps closer when he nodded.

“I didn’t… Didn’t… I only smelled it, tried to guess the ingredients. But my head started to feel dizzy. And—”

Lucy peeked inside the bathtub, to find the curls of fur thickly covered in white foam. 

“It feels so sticky on me.”

“It’s alright. It’s enough. You should rinse yourself. But be careful with the hot water.” 

She took the hose herself. Tumnus was watching her movements anxiously, helplessly. To her own anguish, she could clearly see the expression of guilt in his features. He probably became scared after she had left him in this strange tiled room.

“What if I wash your head? It will be quick. But maybe you won’t be comfortable…”

“No, dear Lucy. I will be happy if you help me. I want to know how your everyday life here goes.”

“Good. Then I’ll assist you… in the bathroom.”

With a nervous smile, Lucy tried the water under the hose and then slowly directed the stream on Tumnus’ head, wetting all that shagginess. She knew she should’ve been very careful with the horns, not as noticeable as a satyr’s but extremely sharp. 

“I’ll apply the shampoo. Just a little.”

Tumnus seemed to calm down, at least on a hair. The redness in his eyes remained, together with the shakiness Lucy could sense in every touch. The goosebumps still covered the skin of his upper body, although the heater was warming the bathroom properly. 

Lucy noticed how Tumnus’ face sharpened when all the curls lost their puffiness. He started to look a bit ill, but not less interesting. Lucy dared to wrap her fingers around his horn while rinsing the shampoo. She rubbed it a few times before transferring her attention to another one. Tumnus froze at the touch as if she was hurting him. But she was almost sure she couldn’t: she had touched his horns before when they had been hugging or playfully nudging each other like children. Indeed, he had been playing with her when she was a child; he had found the goals for her eruptive energy and entertained her. 

Lucy smiled at the memory. The picture of her slightly wounded hands suddenly flickered in her mind. She had scratched her palms and fingers while tormenting his horns, just once, and then they had been sitting by the fireplace, and Mr. Tumnus, the embodiment of worry and care, had patiently applied on her skin all of his soothing and healing mixtures — his ministrations were accompanied by the peaceful rumble of Mr. Beaver who appeared to have a deep knowledge in medicine. 

“My fingers are alright, Tumnus. I am careful,” Lucy mumbled, now conscious that he was trying not to make any movements for her safety. 

Those horns were like blades, she thought leisurely, and then lay her hand on his shoulder. He flinched and tried to run away from her touch, leaning to the opposite side of the tub. Lucy’s astonishment was met with a glance of the bloodshot eyes. 

“I’m sorry—”

“I’m sorry!” he interrupted her, anguished. “I don’t know why I’m reacting like that, so disrespectfully.”

“You are in distress… Maybe, it’s because you have your instincts. It’s fine if you don’t feel safe here, I mean, for now. You’ll become better gradually because I’m here to help. I’m here for you.”

“Yes, my… instincts. An animal self-preservation instinct…”

“I don’t see anything wrong in it.”

Tumnus turned his head to her but didn’t find what to answer. Lucy managed to collect herself, although there was some bitterness, scratching at her chest, making her throat painfully dry. 

“Try to step out from the bathtub by yourself. There’s a carpet for you, so you won’t slip. I will be behind the door, to give you privacy. You only have to pull out the plug in the tub to drain the water. And then wrap yourself in the towels. Like I’ve said, I will be near. Although, I would like to stay and help.”  
His ears winced at the offer.

“Oh… No, Lucy, I understand. We don’t have to see each other naked. I’m a half-man. So we are like Eve and Adam. I am wet now so I’m feeling like being naked. You had actually seen me like that before when I plunged into the lake or into the ice hole to get us fish. But now it feels more intimate.”

“Yes, that wasn’t— I didn’t feel awkward when I saw you wet after swimming, so—”

“I’ll try to take care of myself alone now. Please, Lucy, give me a second chance. I’m not weak.”

She smiled at him, and her cheeks swiftly flushed.

“Yes, Mr. Tumnus.”

—

Soon Lucy found him on the bed, thoroughly wrapped in all the towels he could find in the bathroom. Lucy caught herself on a thought that it was the first time she saw his upper body clothed. There wasn’t a need to hide the skin in Narnia, even during the royal ceremonies: the creatures had to be proud of the bodies, given them by their parents and nature. The norms of the human world were different.

Lucy frowned, fighting the rush of sadness, and then she abruptly asked,

“How are you, Tumnus? Was everything fine after I left?”

He craned his neck to her.

“Yes, Lucy. Luckily, I didn’t fall. I didn’t know where to put the wet towel so I didn’t touch it… I’m so sorry for what happened. Oh, I don’t know how I could behave so miserably. I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“The fear of confined spaces is alright. You used to live in the wilderness, so it’s not weird that walls fright you and remind you of a cage. If you know what a cage is…”

“Yes, maybe, when I was imprisoned by Jadis, it felt quite similar.”

“I’m so sorry to awake that memory…”

“No. No, I’m even comforted by it. I’m proud of what I’ve done… I’m proud.”

Lucy smiled at him and at the wave of warmness. 

“So, are you comfortable, physically?” she continued after a nod, “I’ve always wondered how your legs feel. May I touch them?”

“Yes…? For what?”

“To give a massage? It helps us, humans, to have rest, to relax. Maybe, you would like it, too.”

She grabbed his ankle before he had the time to protest. As she expected, it felt thin and fragile. How those limbs only managed to hold his body up and straight, she thought, mesmerized. Besides, she knew how strong her friend was and how quickly he could run on those legs. She found the muscle and pressed on it carefully, which was answered with a soft bleat. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Tumnus stuttered after her cheerful laughter. 

“No, it sounded… beautiful. Do you often bleat?”

“No, I… Only when I talk with the creatures which are… half-goats. Or when I’m emotional.”

“Lovely. And I’m sorry if you don’t really like to be touched.”

“You concluded it because I’m single? I can enjoy being touched when nothing is demanded from me, and I’m sure that you won’t hurt me, Lucy.”

“It’s good to hear,” she grinned and left a peck on his beard. “By the way, we’ve talked about the walls. Did you notice the decorations?”

“These little black and white pictures? Yes. I love to look at nature.” 

“They are called photos. I like photography. It’s my favorite hobby at the moment.”

Tumnus gave her a puzzled stare.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t really have an opportunity to talk about it before. I don’t even know what made me uncomfortable. I take a special apparatus, made by humans, and with one click of a button I can make an immediate picture of the reality before me. Isn’t it fascinating?”

“It makes my head dizzy.”

“Yes. And I had taken that apparatus to Narnia, although my siblings didn’t quite approve it. Maybe that was the reason I hesitated to discuss my passion with you. I thought, what if Aslan wouldn’t be happy with it, too…? But I never intended to use the photos for human’s sake. I keep them for myself as a treasured memory.”

“It seems that everything on these photos should exist in the human world as well.”

“Yes, yes. I didn’t dare to take pictures of the magical beasts. And I heroically kept myself from making a portrait of my favorite faun.”

Tumnus blushed after realization, and Lucy lowered her head on his chest, giggling contentedly. 

“Well, we wouldn’t have risked anyway, because even if the photos were taken from me, humans would’ve decided that the supernatural beasts were just the men in costumes.”

“Yes, probably. I think I’m glad that you have made these pictures. Oh… There’s my cave on one of them. Thank you, they… remind me of home. Which is obvious…”

“I understand. I’m sorry to bring you this pain. But I’m so grateful that you loved me enough to agree on this trip and to know me better.”

“Yes. Even if in the end we’ll find out I’m not worthy of you… I’m happy anyway.”

Lucy pinched the fur on his forearm, scolding. Then she raised herself on the bed.

“Would you like me to read some of the books? I think they can help you to return to where you belong as well. We call it day-dreaming.”

“Thank you, Lucy.”

—

Lucy had to attend her work in the town, and gradually it became a constant worry, considering that she needed to leave Tumnus in the flat alone, for long hours.

“I have to earn money for us to survive,” she had explained earlier, with an encouraging addition, “I’m a journalist. I like my job.”

Tumnus tensed anyway. He hadn’t used money in Narnia and had been happy to treat Lucy with the food and treasures he could find in nature. Sometimes, on special occasions, he’d even made jewelry for her. 

Now he should’ve accepted that Lucy earned for them both as he was confined in the flat. It probably made him feel weak and ill. He longed to support Lucy anyhow he could though, waking up before her alarm to prepare the breakfast and lunch, and later, the dinner. He made the simple dishes he knew, but gradually, Lucy helped him to gain more complicated skills. As far as she could notice, he spent the day cleaning, looking after her flat like a brownie — anything to please her and make her life easier. 

Lucy felt uneasy sometimes, pondering every free minute whether he was happy with her, whether he could be happy in the world that didn’t want him. 

She returned from work with a pile of books, pressed under her elbow. Because Tumnus’ eyes lit up from the sight of them, and undoubtedly, he loved to spend days reading the stories, over and over again, sinking into the fantasies. Lucy usually chose the ones with a lot of descriptions of nature. 

Tumnus came to greet her. He bowed before taking her bags and books. Lucy changed and then found him in the chair, wrapped in the soft brown robe, bent over a historical book he now diligently studied. She was happy that he discovered science for himself and started to enjoy it. He lacked the nice glasses on his nose now, for the full picture.  
But that robe… Lucy began to realize that he didn’t find the fabric so pleasant — he developed the habit to be dressed up before her because the human culture had already taught him that body was shameful. 

“Do you want to eat, Lucy?”

His ears winced at the sight of her bitten lip. 

“What happened?”

“No, nothing. I’m alright… But maybe I’ll skip the dinner… I’m sorry, my friends from work invited me for dinner in a café. I didn’t expect that, so I hadn’t warned you in the morning, sorry. But I enjoyed my time with them.”

“Oh, friends? It sounds very good, dear Lucy. I’m glad for you.” 

At night, Tumnus felt Lucy’s slight shiver. This time, he braved to glide his hand along her hair. Lucy slowly turned to him, astonished. 

“You may warm your feet with my fur. Just pull them to my knees.”

“It’s very sweet of you. But wouldn’t it make you uncomfortable?”

“No. I don’t think so. I had fantasies about warming my Queen with my fur.” 

Lucy snickered under the blanket. 

“Oh, it’s cute. There’s not only your fur to warm me. It feels nice though. You’re soft.”

“My hair. Yes. My legs are not precisely soft but they are very veiny, and I’m usually not cold there.”

“Yes, your legs are marvelous,” Lucy murmured somewhere near his beard, before peacefully drifting into sleep. 

—

She was silly enough to invite a friend. Or, as she now would’ve said, a colleague. 

The girl paid much attention to whether Lucy’s apartment was clean. It surely was, thanks to Tumnus, because Lucy never assumed herself to be tidy. Her guest managed to find a lot of hair on the floor though.

“A wool?” she questioned in sincere surprise, studying the lock in her hand. “You didn’t say you keep animals.”

“I don’t,” Lucy cut off, only a little vengeful. 

“Oh, sorry. It reminded me of your stories about living on a farm. There’s a specific smell in this flat, also. I fancy cattle should smell like that.”

Lucy felt cold in her chest, knowing that Tumnus should’ve heard it and he must’ve been wounded by these cruel words. But for now, Lucy could do nothing for comforting him. He had joked about sitting in the storeroom during her friend’s visit. He should’ve been really there, huddled in the confined space, drowning in darkness, pain, tangs of old wood, dust, and humid paper. Lucy was so sorry for him. 

He might’ve chosen to hide in the wardrobe, the magic one. It would’ve transferred him into a fairy-tail again, throw him into unknown time, so Lucy would have searched for him, hoping that he didn’t turn too old for surviving. She would’ve cried if he disappeared in that wardrobe. But maybe, she would’ve been grateful for such a turn, just a little.

She wasn’t sure if she really deserved him — if she deserved a miracle. 

“What’s wrong, Lucy?” her colleague interjected compassionately, astonished by the grievous expression on Lucy’s usually shiny face. 

“Oh no, nothing…”

“Let me look at your collection, dear,” the girl came over to the wall, decorated with a scatter of small pictures. “Oh, they are lovely! You were so excited, talking about your art, so I imagined something incredible. But they are really good. I think I know where you took this one, with a cave. Reminds me of the camp I’ve once been.”

Stubbornly holding the moan of pain inside, Lucy glanced at the narrow slit in the door, behind which was another door, locking her treasure in the grim cage. How much she wanted him to make some sneaky sound, to astonish and fright her guest away, so she would’ve guessed about a brownie, watching after this flat. Or she could assume that Lucy lied about not having animals. Anything to make her wary. Despite Lucy’s wishes, the storeroom kept polite silence. 

She hugged Tumnus after, when the guest has already gone, and repeated to him the endless rows of “I’m sorry.” 

—

Lucy managed to find a brush for his fur. She’d noticed how Tumnus had started to scratch his skin, not sure himself whether the itch was caused by fleas or nerves. Considering that he had come from the wilderness, he indeed could have fleas which hadn’t bothered him while it was cold around. On the other hand, he’s got a habit of scratching himself only after a few weeks of living here, so Lucy inclined to the possibility that solely the nervousness was giving him so much discomfort. 

She didn’t need to guess how deeply ashamed Tumnus was. She continued to calmly brush his leg. He had to remember that there couldn’t be any disgust from her side. The leg shivered though. 

“Oh, Lucy, I think I don’t have to use the furniture. I don’t want you to sit or lay on the bed after me. I think I may have not fleas but lice, and, you said, they can be transmitted to humans. Of course, I don’t want you to scratch at your skin like me, in front of your colleagues. You look so beautiful and clean.”

“Clean? Mr. Tumnus, please— I think I simply need to buy you another shampoo. I gave you the one for hair, but you have fur… And perhaps, it’s not the lice bothering you. You are too worried. It may be causing the itch.”

“Well, say your colleagues that you adopted a pet. They’ll advise how to make a check on lice and the ways to get rid of them.”

“I want you to be my pet, but not like this. You’re loathing yourself, Tumnus. It’s a serious problem. You don’t trust me.”

She failed to catch his eyes.

“I don’t want to spoil your sofa. I could sleep on the carpet. Or you could buy me a carpet that will not be a pity to ruin.”

“Oh, Tumnus, I would’ve been so happier to deal with the lice. I would’ve accepted it as another adventure!”

“It would’ve been so bad… not heroic adventure.”

“I can decide for myself.”

“You shouldn’t kiss my beard.”

“I was going to kiss your leg!” Lucy exclaimed and he wearily turned his head away before stretching his lips in a faint smile. 

Lucy lowered her gaze to the called leg. Tumnus had been scratching it so hard that the fur became thin. She could even notice the bald spots and patches, the paleness of the skin beneath that once rich fur. His skin didn’t look smooth though. The lines of scars stood out there, too deep for being only the signs of scratching. 

Tumnus didn’t flinch when she gently put her hand on his thigh. He didn’t hurry to talk either. Lucy decided not to speak up, sure that he had understood what she would’ve liked to know, but without urgency. 

“Um… My legs look awful, by the way,” he muttered, trembling from inside. The hard feeling in his throat transmitted to her. “I’m lucky not to have scars on my upper body, so I don’t look… worn-out. The life in the forest was wild. Especially when I was a young faun.”

Lucy gave him a calm understanding smile and then reached for a nice handkerchief. It might’ve brought more comfort. 

The scars are from the satyrs’ claws and teeth. Those beasts become nasty during springs. Sometimes I managed to escape and sometimes not. I couldn’t stay in the cave the whole spring as I needed to harvest. Meanwhile, they came for me. They haunt… Last spring I had a few incidents as well. It was luck that I ran away and hid.”

“Oh, Mr. Tumnus…” Lucy groaned, once more forgetting that she didn’t need to underline his age. 

“But it doesn’t matter, Lucy. It doesn’t bother me anymore, like the weather doesn’t bother me. I have accepted it and don’t need to pity myself.”

She grabbed the second handkerchief which appeared to be in her pocket by a happy accident. This time she used the soft fabric to caress her own face.  
“But I would like to pity you, in a nice way,” she let out mildly, allowing the tears to come to her eyes and nose. “I value you so much. My poor Mr. Tumnus… You can’t leave this flat and enjoy nature like you should. I want to help you, so much.” 

—

She managed to find a suit for him. The shirt and jacket weren’t a problem at all. Then, with a single smooth movement, his horns disappeared under a hat. 

The most difficult part was the trousers. Lucy had to take a big size for them to fit his hips. No wonder that they wrapped his upper legs and backside properly but couldn’t hold on to his waist at all. Lucy foresaw it and bought a couple of tight belts in advance. 

She tied the shoes to his hooves and hid the cords under the trouser-legs. In the end, she gave him a cane, to make him look like a gentleman and to disguise the peculiarity of his gait.

Tumnus panicked when they finally got out. Lucy squeezed his hand while he was tensely watching the cars, high buildings, and swiftly passing crowds. She didn’t risk taking him on public transport. He could probably get a heart attack there. 

Luckily, the park was close enough to walk, and the shoes didn’t bother Tumnus too badly. 

“You are so brave,” Lucy murmured to him at the gates to the small wood. 

It didn’t compare to the wild spaces of Narnia, but Lucy liked the freshness and peacefulness of the place. Tumnus’ hand trembled in hers, and she heard how heavily he was breathing. They needed to take a bench. Lucy unfolded a handkerchief and gently wiped at his face.

“Those cars were terrible, right?” she inquired with a smile.

His lips fluttered. 

“No. I’m just happy. I’m overwhelmed to be outside. I missed the sun and air so much.”

“Oh… I understand. I’m so sorry.”

“And I’m happy to share this moment with you, dear Lucy. Even while other humans see us and think that I am your grandfather.”

“Ow, you have this fabulous beard,” Lucy pinched him slightly, following the joke. “Maybe, you’re worried that we are seen? We can lay a blanket on the grass and sit somewhere among the trees.” 

They did as she said. 

“I feel safe with you, Lucy. I love you,” he whispered while she was preparing the sandwiches. 

Lucy gave a peck to those salty lips and caressed at the sleeves of the jacket, looking so inappropriate over his strong, delicately furred arms. She missed him naked, genuine. 

“It’s cloudy today,” Tumnus mused, sorrowfully gazing at the tops of the trees and, probably, begging them not to disappear from his sight, ever. “I think I would like it to be rainy. In Narnia, I often enjoyed the nasty weather because it gave me a feeling of solitude. Solitude meant safety. No satyr could’ve chased me while it was cold, wet, and windy around.”

Lucy nodded compassionately, and then slowly lowered her hand on his knee, to give it a soothing pat. 

“And now,” Tumnus gulped. “If the weather becomes terrible, all these humans would leave and give us space. We would’ve left alone with the world, with beautiful nature. Although, Lucy, don’t think that I— Please… I have love and respect for humans. I like that you’re a human. And I know that my kind isn’t worse than yours. Even if your world was at war I would’ve liked it because it related to you and... Generally, I… I have love for the world.”

“Oh, I understand you, darling. I’m so lucky to have met you. You’re not alone,” she took his hand and was praised by a tensed, yet sympathetic nod. 

“And, Lucy… There is one more thing. I would’ve liked you to know that if there was a chance to turn me into a human, I would’ve chosen to give away my horns, and hooves, and tail, and my long life, only to be closer to you.”

“What are you saying…? I’m so baffled. I can’t believe you love me that much… But I do— I feel the same way about you. I want to do anything for you, to make you happy.”

Tumnus glided his fingers over the top of Lucy’s palm while his glance fled away from her face. She blinked off the tears when realized that he couldn’t stop looking at the rustling leaves of the bush, hiding them away. Those fluttering leaves were shiny green. He could see the greenery only from the far distance, in the window of the flat. The steps of a passerby approached them — the sharp sound made whole Tumnus’ body flinch. 

Lucy took off the clumsy hat and caressed along those quivering ears. Now she finally comprehended how much she hated herself. 

—

“How are you, Tumnus?” Lucy barely shook off her muddy boots and came over to greet him. 

Tumnus shivered from the feeling of her cold palm, sliding along the hairy line of his spine. But Lucy could tell that shiver was a nice sign, because then Tumnus turned his face to give her a mild smile, and his eyes had the genuine shine she had terribly missed.

“I’m good. Making bracelets today,” he muttered into her chin and raised his hand to demonstrate.

Lucy held her breath. 

“Uh… Gorgeous.”

He had created the adornments in Narnia, calling it his little hobby. Lucy had got a few bracelets, necklaces, and rings as a present. Now he began to perform his art even here, in the human world that had discouraged him so badly. She was exceedingly happy for him.

Tumnus has made many of the adornments from the wood, and the latest he showed have been made from the smooth thin metal, silvery and shiny under the sun. Truth be told, every day Lucy cherished herself with a dream that he would give her a self-made ring and ask to be his wife. Because why not…? Lucy imagined the proposal scene and snickered happily, tapping her fingers on his bare shoulder — he didn’t have to wear suits anymore. 

Lucy raised the camera that she had been squeezing in one hand, skillfully set the focus, and made the picture of the bracelet, carefully held between hers and Tumnus’ fingers. The jewelry inspired by her and nature, Lucy reminded herself. She’s already had enough knowledge in advertising, so they got the clients, willing to purchase the adornments as well as Lucy’s great landscape photos. Sometimes they spent the whole day on the top of a mountain, to catch the right light for her camera. It made Lucy so excited.

She ruffled those wild curls and playfully pinched those delicate horns. Tumnus bleated and Lucy laughed, spilling out all the sincere joy her heart was able to keep. She approached the mantel then. There she had placed the work she was especially proud of. Moreover, Tumnus had said he was also pleased to look in this direction what meant huge praise for Lucy. 

On the mantel, they kept the portrait of Tumnus’ father whom he perpetually revered and therefore had taken the picture from his cave in Narnia. Near Lucy placed his own portrait which she had made one magnificent day in the valley. Her best fauns, she thought, admiring the photos. Tumnus had carved nice wooden frames for them. Lucy dreamed about the day she would make the picture of them together — the “Lucy and Tumnus” picture.

“It would be lovely,” she said aloud.

“What, dear?” 

Tumnus approached her when she was already facing a dark corner where they had put the enchanted wardrobe. They couldn’t leave it behind. It was the immediate decision, to take the wardrobe to this cabin in the mountains which Lucy was so happy to purchase. There wasn’t streaming water and normal infrastructure, but they have gotten space for themselves and the right to be whom they wanted. They could go outside and enjoy nature, not hiding from anyone. Or maybe, sometimes they did hide from a few locals, but Lucy turned it into an exciting adventure. 

Someday they would want to try some another beautiful world. Then they’ll step into the portal, firmly holding hands.


End file.
